Slip N' Slide

I adore the mornings when you utilize the underside of my stiffening resolve as your own personal slip and slide. When ready you run yourself up that flag pole and I salute you with caresses until you descend upon my glazed hairy matted cradle.

World Cup

It is never a good idea to go into a pub at 10 am on a Sunday morning. Especially when you are allegedly old enough to know better. But I had watched a few soccer matches leading up to the final and had found a nice Public House that catered to soccer fans that was open that early on a Sunday. In I went to Kill a few Kennys with a couple of friends. There were a few overconfident Eastern European types in the pub as well and after a bit a few friendly wagers were made. The rest of the daytime hours are history. A big lunch after the match and pockets full of gambling largess I was released into the wild to fend for myself.




The night time hours were near, but not near enough. Where should I go?




I made my way cross town to Slammies.




It had been a while since I had been there. A mere matter of months this time rather than years for a change. I confess my slightly liquored and age addled brain almost admitted to itself that there was an irrational exuberance and audacity of hope that JoJo would be the barkeep this evening. Not being enough of a frequent flyer patron to know the schedules it was a crap shoot at best. But hey, this had been my day for being on the right side of the crap and besides it was still early. JoJo always did wonders for both my mood and libido, if for no other reason that she exuded exquisite energy on all spectrums.




Well when I arrived the the place was busy with World Cuppers who also had been sporting since the early morning hours so entertainment was to be had in conversation and camaraderie. Not to mention since when does anybody in the US care about soccer. But Rodney was slinging the drinks and truth be told he was much more adept with soccer ruffian speak than JoJo would have been.




But with a day of imbibing and visions of JoJo and other ghosts of Slammies gibbering in my head; plus ill gotten gains in my pocket left only one thing to be done.




I went to long forgotten but dark corner of many a man's past and headed further afield out to the airport strip clubs.




Dark. Expensive. Reeking of unrequited male lust after the unattainable dreams and transactional commerce of the most basic and ancient kind. Knowing that I was stimulating the economy and myself in a manner that will only result in a trip down memory lane of what a naked woman of a totally inappropriate age for me looks like, I was on a splurge. The visual enticement would certainly charge my batteries. Polite, but never wanting to waste a dancers time when she could be transacting commerce, left me with plenty of time to enjoy the dancers lithe bodies from afar. Not dark lurking corner afar. More midway between drooling stage side tipping range and creeper corner where the bouncers watch for the first whiff of trouble.




The dancers are delightful. All ages and body types. Lovely to the last jiggle. I am mesmerized at the bounty displayed. Some eliciting illicit memories. Others merely long held fantasies. Much to the dismay of the women's bottom line I am too frugal to invest too much of my liquid capital on things other than my liquid hobbies.




That is when it happened. The stage went dark. The MC announce the next performers name. I don't even recall what it was. Your stock in trade strippers name. It was clever. It was enticing. It was not to common. Not to abstruse. It was just…...JoJo!




Okay. I admit I thought about skulking out. For her ? For me? Considering the number of faces she has to see across the weathered bar of Slammies was I kidding myself that she would even recognize me? With the stage lights could she even see beyond the leering laddies stage side with their mitts full of lucre?




I stayed. I confess. The thought of seeing JoJo naked, strutting, and shimmering won the fantasy soccer day prize. Yes I’m that guy. My unreasonable expectations were taking a step that my wildest hopes would have dismissed just moments before. Naked strange women was one thing. My favorite bartender whose imagined visage has roiled my monkey brain for months was a horse of a different color.




I was transfixed as her goth girl inspired clothing became a melting pathway to paradise.




Then our eyes met.

TMI Tuesday: September 18, 2018

Munchausen 

Welcome to sexy fun and playfulness at TMI Tuesday.

1. Which animal listed below represents your true sexual self?
a. Chipmunk – cute and cuddly

b. Monkey – all about being mischievousness. I think we are all monkeys on this bus

c. Tiger – I’ve earned my stripes

2. Your partner is in the mood for sexy fun and you are tired – what do you do?
a. Start snoring. There is no way I’m giving it up tonight.

b. Trade. You give me a massage… and we will see… Or just have a 68 session. You do me and I'll owe you one.

c. That would never happen!

3. Which of these sexual descriptive labels closely matches you?
a. Dominant
b. Submissive
c. Top
d. Bottom

e. Switch. Definitely a ripple on the upside down lake of the void sort.

f. Kinkster

4. Would you rather have your enemy eaten by a shark or die in an earthquake getting swallowed up by earth?

Well since sharks need to eat at least some good would come from the demise of my protagonist.

5. For the next year, would you rather be dressed like a mime every day OR look normal but not be allowed to talk?

Normal? I have nothing to say about that concept. I'll get back to you on that this time next year.

Bonus: What’s the most beautiful word in the world?

Antidisestablishmentarianism or Oops. Love em both

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: September 11, 2018

14m ago

• bed
• blog
• dating
• erotic
• fantasy

Deja vu TMI Tuesday as these questions were originally posted November 18, 2014.

Fill in the blank

1. When I can’t sleep I take you in my mind .

2. My dream bedroom would be full of your scent .

3. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow it would be in your arms .

4. I need to hold you at night.

5. Life of never having you would truly be a nightmare.

6. Night time is the right time to lick you senseless.

Bonus: Briefly tell us about your last dream–erotic or not.

I dreamed I was sitting along side some railroad tracks. There was a bunch of us hobos doing hobo things that hobos do while siting alongside railroad tracks. One of the hobos was there with his pet tiger. A train full of cattle started passing by. These cattle were obviously going to slaughter, stuffed in the railroad cars, yet still in the open air cages. Some of the cars had carcasses already in various stages of being butchered. But the train slowed and then came to a stop right next to the tiger and us. The tiger took notice and started nipping at the cow nearest the cage bars. The cow and tiger began to get agitated. One of the train crew came along carrying what appeared to be ribs from a slaughtered cow and proceeded to open up the train car in spite of us hobos yelling not to do that seeing as how there was a tiger in the neighborhood. Well of course the tiger follows the crew member onto the train car full of cattle. Fortunately the train man got out safely but there was no stopping the tiger which began to eviscerate in very graphic detail every single cow in the car. The tiger was gleefully disemboweling a calf when I mercifully woke up.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: August 14, 2018

14m ago

It’s time for another fascinating TMI Tuesday.

1. ​You can only keep 3 things: (pick and explain your choices)

Coffee

Jewelry
Books

These are the only two things you can keep. One useful. One not. The other items on this list are all consumables and will be used up over time.  

Chocolate

Wine or Beer

Netflix

So I can finish watching "The Almighty Johnsons"

Tacos

2. If your job gave you a surprise 3-day paid break, what would you do with those three days?

Fritter them away drinking and whoring 

3. Have you ever had a threesome? What was the configuration?

Treble. Simply treble. Configuration was complicated as any time a crowd is involved.

4. In a threesome, do you like to be the star attraction or a bit player/personal  assistant?

That is the thing about the treble clef. You have to be prepared for the sharps and the flats

5. Would you have another  threesome?

Highly unlikely.

Bonus:  Rate your last  threesome on a scale of 1-5, 5 being fantastic.

Treble. Simply treble. Seemed like a good idea at the time but the ripple cast over the upside down lake of the void always goes to where the mirror meets the sky.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: July 31, 2018

It’s the end of the month, don’t let it get away without playing TMI Tuesday!

Tell it to us straight or sexy…

1. One thing that you will never do again?

That would be a very long list because it is never that one thing, but always the one thing leads to another kind of thingamajiggy sequencing I regret.

2. Who knows you the best?

The Bunny Knows

3. Do you think a relationship should be 50/50 all the time?

Nope. 50/50 sounds like terminally half in and half out. I think you need to plunge right in and then pull out to dance around the edges for a bit before taking that sweet deep plunge again.

4. When was your most recent act of kindness? Was it appreciated?

Just one hour ago when I listened attentively to the same story for at least the tenth time while sincerely empathizing. As for appreciation I have found that the giver rarely feels the givee appreciates the gift enough.

5. Are you a good friend? Why or why not?

I am a terrible friend. Out of sight out of mind kind of feller. The only reason I have any friends at all is because when I am there I am there and come running when needed.

6. What is something that you tried really hard to like but just couldn’t?

Cigars.

Bonus: How was your month of July? Did you do anything fun, interesting, new?

I had me a real good time and would certainly enjoy another one if all goes well.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: July 17, 2018

Posted on July 16, 2018by TMI Tuesday blog

Fun and a bit crazy, that is this week’s TMI Tuesday.

It could happen…

1. If each of your index fingers could spew a liquid for the rest of your life, what liquid(s) would it be.

Rainwater and grain alcohol. My cocktail of choice BTW.

2. If you could talk to everyone in the world for 5 minutes, all at once, what would you say?

I would say, "Why don't ya'll dummy up for five minutes and think before you say something from now on." Then I would enjoy the next four minutes and fifty seven seconds of peace before the endless gibberish resumes.

3. Would you rather not be able to eat for a week OR not be able to _____ for a month?

Easy peasy. I would rather not be able to converse with anyone for a month. See answer to number 2. Now let's eat!

4. What exhilarates you?

Eating.

5. What is the best perk of your job? What is the best perk you have ever had at any job?

Having my own office with a big comfy couch and a door that locked.

Bonus:  Just how naughty are you?

Very naughty. Especially when I had my own office with a big comfy couch and a door that locked.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tender Tabernacle

When I am inside you I adore running my fingers through the satiny pages of your flowing folds. Running my fingers along the event horizon where my shaft sleekly splits you wide and melds into making us as one. How your body pulses and vibrates when my finger tip presses my moment where your taint starts and my full immersion leads. As my finger trace back around gathering a glistening sheen unable stop until I have encircled my girth. Perfect placement for my thumb to find the very pinnacle of your tender tabernacle. There to give service and pay homage to that nubbin with an ever gentle rubbing. Your blue eyes become bluer. Your blond hair becomes blonder. Golden strands fall before your face and you sigh, then gasp the sweet sigh of release.

TMI Tuesday: July 10, 2018

← TMI Tuesday: July 3, 2018

TMI Tuesday: July 10, 2018

Posted on July 9, 2018by TMI Tuesday blog

Guess what time it is? TMI Tuesday!

Here’s looking at you. . .

1. What is the most marvelous thing you have ever seen?

I lost count when I turned seventeen. But the look on a woman's face when she comes is always a marvel.

2. Are you a starter or a finisher?

I am a finisher, but very judicious about what I start.

3. When did your heart last ‘skip a beat’? Why?

Last time she came all around me, because it was marvelous.

4. What does your perfect day look like?

I'm looking at it right now. Because it is next, and a good day today is better than what might be a perfect day tomorrow.

5. What would you call your autobiography?

He Consumed. He Eliminated. He Reproduced. He Stacked Things On Top Of Other Things. (and he was very happy to have come)

Bonus:  How does it feel to be photographed?

I hate having my soul stolen, so put the cell phone down and walk away.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Pass Around Joy

1. Packed and Stacked
2. Bev's Flowing Ardor
3. Meanwhile
4. Moke A Joint
5. Nanny Ride
6. Bwana
7. Joy Ride
8. Another Ride

TMI Tuesday: June 26, 2018

TMI Tuesday: June 26, 2018

Posted on June 25, 2018by TMI Tuesday blog

Heyyyy! TMI Tuesday time again.

1. Is your sex life more fantasy or reality?

It is perceptive reality with heaping side orders of frequent fantasy, receptive reverie, and highly dubious deceptive memory.

2. If you could hook-up with a past lover (with no repercussions or regret), who would it be and why? (No need to use real names just briefly describe the person and their relationship to you.)

No thank you. I will leave the past where it is.

3. You can only indulge in one of the following sex acts for the rest of your life, which would you choose to enjoy?

a. oral sex, only giving
b. 69

Mutually assured orgasm-sma-struction.

c. oral sex, only receiving
d. mutual masturbation

4. With each lover do you pay attention to what they want or do you have a repertoire that you stick to when having sex?

The way each lover and I fit together determines the repertoire. No square pegs in round holes. Not that I mind pulling a little sumthin sumthin out of my hat when a little hocus pocus is in order.

5. Do you initiate sex for healthful benefits, e.g., to sleep better or relieve pain?

Yes.

Bonus: Do you understand the clitoris?

They don't call me the clitoris whisperer for nothing. But just like snowflakes no two are the same, so I really haven't a clue. But I shall whisper sweetly at every opportunity.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!